My Top Ten Ideal Women

All of us have our favorite fantasy characters, like girls from my generation may have at one time been in love with Indiana Jones, while a generation before, they were all in love with Han Solo (which is understandable, since there are certain haunting similarities), or maybe Bogart in years past... Supergeek dudes would bone Sigourney weaver because she was in the Alien movies, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, because they are into dominatrix chicks, or something.  Here is my attempt at idealizing 10 infamous female figures, without sounding too lame.  These are the women I would TOTALLY DO:

1. Agent Dana Scully.  (I'm simply in love with her.  I want her to investigate me.)

2. Lindsay Lohan.  (She's cute, and has the best coke.)

3. Madeline Albright.  (Because wrinkles get me off, and anything is better than Hillary.)

4. Mariah Carey.  (One word:  "hips.")

5. Oprah.  (Of course.  Why not?  What list of women would be complete without Oprah?)

6. Princess Leia.  (I would chain her to me like Jaba and drool on her til I choke.)

7. Courtney Love.  (Because then I would be Curt Cobain.)

8. Maralyn Monroe.  (If I was alive in her day, I just wouldn't want to feel left out.)

9. Sigourney Weaver in Aliens.  (Don't judge me!)

10. Laura Croft.  (Partly for her outrageous but obviously fake body.  Mostly for her money.)

The Female Sense of Smell.

Greetings.  Hazel the Newt here for another action-packed blog experience.  Up til now I have done little more than instigate immigration controversy, bash California, expose the old world order of power banking emperialism, encourage personal and political freedom, and bash California.  But I would now like to transition to something extremely serious, a subject that is belaboring much of our society today.  That subject is: How can men smell good to women.

Let's face it guys.  Women are like dogs.  Their sense of smell is intense.  To them, smell is like taste.  They don't like the taste of something that smells bad, but if something smells good, they will eat it.  So if you want a woman to swallow you whole, your smell must not repel.

First of all, most men think that cologne is the answer, and the smart ones know not to overdo it.  I have gotten suggestions from females about cologne.  One young mommy today told me that Armani Code is the best, and if I wear it, she will rape me.  Other women swear by Adidas or Polo... I like Hugo and Stetson.  The aforementioned milf said that Bod is even very good.  Now, to me, Bod is a bit cheap.  But here is an interesting note:  She said that her attraction to the scent of Bod is due to an association she has between that smell and a special experience with an ex that made her happy.  Here is the reason for that which explains alot.  The perception of smell takes place in the same part of the brain that also processes memories and emotions.  That explains why smells evoke the most emotional response.  The synapses of those three things are highly intertwined.  As we all know, females have a stronger sense of smell and they are more emotional, AND they remember EVERYTHING, if you know what I mean.  So that part of their brain is far more active than it is for men.  This should explain a few things.

Here's another thing. 
I like a Playboy scent called Vegas.  It is cheapish, for one, it's a subtle scent, and it is slightly citric.  I always get compliments on it.  Why?  Citrus aparently augments good pheremones (as opposed to stale, oxidized sweat: bad pheremones) and makes females feel appealing.  Notice how much citrus is in women's   scents?  You can actually a little grapefruit or other citrus juice in your scent strategy to make the ladies feel comfortable with you.

Moving on, do not overestimate cologne.  If you are suiting up, put on a little cologne.  If not, a good bodywash and/or scentless or good smelling deoderant may be enough.  Don't underestimate the bodywash.  As long as your chemistry and it's scent don't clash, and it stays strong for more than a few hours.  The ultimately most noticeable and effective scenting substance is your shampoo.  It doesn't take an expensive shampoo or alot of it to make you smell irresistable to women.  Also, remember, hair traps in scents longer than anything else (other than possibly clothing).  So all you smokers out there keep that in mind.  Cigarette smoke contaminates your hair easily and for a long time, and cannot be covered up by any scent... that just makes it worse.  And only other smokers will not notice it.  So be aware of whether a certain female smokes or not.  If she doesn't, she has to really like you to put up with you smoking.
Let me re-iterate the importance of good smelling hair, and the simplicity of achieving it.  A five minute shower with Head and Shoulders will make you more awesome smelling to her than a concentration of the most expensive cologne.  It will be much more subtle and less overpowering, thus increasing her desire to close the distance between you and stay close.  Make sense?  You want her to smell something intoxicating (not intoxicating like Johnny Walker, as is in my case sometimes), right as she brushes past you, not from accross the room.

All this being said, lastly, remember your breath.  Pop a breath freshener just before you meet her, try to sneak some gum after eating, and share if you want, because it's one less reason for both of you not to get face to face, and brush your teeth often, flossing too.  Old food rotting in your mouth is bad for your breath like outsourcing was bad for American car manufacturers.  Keep that in mind.  Also eating healthy, and avoiding things like onions, ramps, and some seafood is a good idea.  Bathing regularly, and thoroughly is kind of like an hour hand on a clock... Essential.  Lastly, any scent you try cologne, bodywash, deoderant, etc. should be evaluated by a female who is impartial before you rock it.

So scent up, stink down, and go get 'em tiger.

Disclaimer

I feel like we may have started off on the wrong foot over here.  My last entry begins by saying i will probably offend you.  That is not exactly how I meant it, though.  Understand I am not a hater.  I am actually very accepting of others.  It is how I was brought up, I guess.  Just ask my parents how often I would bring home an asian girl or a black girl or a hispanic girl.  That's called diversity.

My point is, I love people who are different than me.  Why?  Because I'm intelligent.  And different is usually interesting.  So back to what I was saying yesterday... I don't want to bicker and argue and offend people just for the sake of doing it.  I am learning to love the freedom that we Americans enjoy, nay, take for granted, daily.  So I would love to spark controversey.  I want to encourage people to exercise those rights.  I want people to state their opinions, argue their views.  Whether you agree with me or not, it is your right, nay, your responsibility, to present your views.  this argument is necessary.  Want to save America?  Exercise your rights.  Speak your mind.  REASON!  

Do not be deceived.  The so called "New World Order" is trying to relieve you of your rights.  But it is not new.  It is the old world order.  Oligarchy, tyranny.  Power from the top of the pyramid.  The all-seeing eye.

California Vs. Canada

Ok, Hello, my name is Newt.  I am probably going to offend multiple persons and groups.  You know what?  To those of you that are offended, I am glad. Why? Because this is America.  We have freedom of speech and freedom of the press!  Also, it is important to remember that when one is made aware of another perspective, one is then responsible for that knowledge.

I encourage everyone to speak their piece, disagree, argue... even fight (if it's worth the effort)... with me or anyone.  It is your right as Americans.It is what has made America great.  If by chance you are not an American, welcome to our way of life.  For example:
I do not agree with illegal immigration, or the government awarding perks thereof. BUUUUUT... if I were living in a shitty place with no freedom, and by finding a way accross a border, I could guarantee myself and my family a better life... I WOULD DISREGARD ANY LAWS AND DO WHATEVER I HAD TO TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.  So no blame here.

What the hell is up with California? Every band has a song about California.  Two out of three of all movies take place in this state!  So aparently everything happens in California.
I disagree.  I feel that nothing truly consequential has happened here for decades.  It is one big pathetic city, packed to overflowing with overly self-important lower life forms that we call Californians.  If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who are more self-important than me!