Thursday, March 29, 2012

Why Does My Toilet...

Why, oh why does my toilet
Sit there, crouch there on the tile floor, mocking me?

Why does my toilet
Make that sucking sound, like a jet engine trying to suck me in, encouraging me to stand before flushing, as if it deserves a standing ovation for accepting my deposit?

Why, can someone tell me why does my toilet
Let all these little bacteria guys hang out, lurk in the shadows beneath the rim, toilet loiterers flipping bacterium coins, smoking glowing cigarettes beneath dark bacterium hats, or chewing on toothpicks, little bacterium hoodlums, since we all know that bacteria have an oral fixation?

Why does my toilet
Spew water two feet into the air and all over the lip and wall and floor sometimes when I flush it?

Why does this toilet of mine
Live a solitary life in my bathroom, only receiving occasional visits from people who want to dump waste into it?

Why does my toilet
Not walk out on me?

Why does my toilet
Not complain?

Why does my toilet
Conspire against me?

And the most disturbing question...
What is my toilet doing
...When I am not around?

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